**When You Hit Your Rock Bottom**

I have been going back and forth on how I wanted to start my healing journey and figure out what makes me happy. And to be honest. I have no damn clue. But what I do know is that I love to write, I love to help people. And if I can do the 2 at the same time. Well hell. Its worth a shot. So welcome to Hott Mess 2 Success.

I am a 35 year old recovering alcoholic with 4 years of sobriety under my belt. Now have those 4 years been a cake walk? Hell to the naw! But I will tell you that every rough second that I have went through in these last 4 years has definitely made me the person that I am today. I am a mother, wife, sister, friend and for the longest time led a double life with my addiction. Now add on to that depression/ anxiety and PTSD. Thats a hell of a cocktail of disaster. A disaster that I never thought I would be able to get out from.

To try and have a starting point to this blog I will explain that my addiction just didn’t happen over night. It was years of dumpster fire emotions that eventually led up to my rock bottom. I have dealt with a lot of issues growing up. From parental addiction, death, emotional abuse to my own addiction. But to try and explain everything would be about 30 pages for 1 blog lol. But the defining moment of my rock bottom was when I showed up to work intoxicated and had to go to occupation health to get tested. I knew I was f****d up. But in that very moment I didn’t care. I didn’t care whether I lived or died because how I felt about myself in that time was nothing.. I felt like I was worth nothing so why not try to forget about why you hate your life so bad that you drink to forget. I was beyond embarrassed. But at the same time a sigh of relief came over me because right then, no matter what happened. I knew I finally had to get my s**t together. I had coworkers and friends text me and tell me that I am crazy, I also had coworkers and friends that are some straight up “ride or dies” and for that I am for ever grateful for you all. After about a week of being suspended (I was still drinking at home because I still felt like my life didn’t matter) I had a legit breakdown. I went to my place of employment at the time (our local hospital) walked into the ER at 7am and signed my self into a mental facility. I knew that it just wasn’t the alcohol that I had a problem with. My whole life was an utter cluster f**k and the only one who could change it was me.

Now I am gonna shout out one of my fav coworker/friend that was there with me during alcohol testing and the initial intake of my 201 process several days later. Brianna. Now I knew her in high-school but she was a year above me. But once I started working at the hospital we became really close. She legit is a ride or die. I can’t thank her enough for everything she did for me while going through this process. And because of the love from not only her, my other coworkers that were working at the time (Tara, Damien) but also her mom (who is a nursing supervisor) who sat with me THE ENTIRE TIME I don’t think it would have went as well as it did. Ya’ll when I tell you that at my lowest of lows this woman made me feel like I was going to be ok. And you know what Mama D was right. I was going to be ok. Now eventually I did get fired which was a blessing in disguise. But the breakdown and my 201 admission really made me see my self in a different way. Now I thought that it would be like the mental facilities you see in the movies. And yeah there were some “characters” but mostly it was just ordinary people just like myself who needed a little extra help. I spent a total of 8 days in the facility, got my depression meds adjusted. Found a therapist and when I came home I attended AA meetings. Now 4 years later I have the courage enough to share my story. Now there is a lot more to tell so follow my page to continue to find out how I went from Hott Mess 2 Success

*Much love peeps, Thanks for reading*

**Antoinette**